I got really aggravated with H and told him to turn off his damn music. The problem is there was no music. I said this in front of my son so H tried to cover for me but it was obvious. I'm usually really good at knowing when I'm hearing things but this was so real. I could have sung along it was low but there. I'm eh still but I'm functional. Again I'm ****en silent. I see pdoc in 8 days and T this Thursday. I thought I was ready to be on my own but if I can't tell what's real and what's not I guess not. I don't even know what to say. I'm trying to keep busy with all this school stuff but it's not enough. I wish I could understand myself enough to get proper help. Just because I restrict assess to things voluntarily doesn't mean I'm good/okay. It means I understand myself enough not to trust myself to even be alone.

WHO THE **** WOULD THINK SOMEONE WHO CAN'T TRUST THEM-SELF ALONE IS OKAY.

I don't know how to be taken seriously. Hell I don't know if I am being taken seriously. I kinda just want to cancel everything and just stop but even H's T said I can't cancel (I said I could cancel my appointment for his appointment.) I'm so frustrated with myself.