Quote:
Originally Posted by BirdDancer
I've been really clocking some Zs lately. I'm not depressed, and I'm not tired during the day, but I get ultra tired soon after dinner and have trouble getting up in the morning. I actually do have a bit of a weird feeling coming on. It hasn't been that long ago that I considered myself hypomanic. Now, either not so much or mixed? Or maybe not, but just a little out of whack. I've been getting heartburn and indigestion a lot, which I've had off and on my entire life. The sinus congestion and headaches come and go. I know that I've been feeling more stressed and emotional lately. I'm having trouble functioning as well, even though I'm sort of doing a lot more. Something always seems to give, in these cases.
I got on the scale a few minutes ago. I am up a little, but not as heavy as I feel, and usually I think I'm lighter than I really am. I know that I'd benefit greatly from healthier eating a bit more exercise, but dang is it hard right now! The thought of meal planning and tracking just seems intimidating. I wish someone would do it for me, but that would definitely not be my hubby. For one thing, he wouldn't know what to do. For another, he's beyond busy right now with other important things.
This morning, hubby exclaimed "Show me affection! I need it!" Of course I did, but to be honest, I give more than he does, in many ways. Since the loss of my parrot, I do feel extra deprived. That affects one mentally and physically.
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I am sorry for your loss.
Grief can be very complicated, showing up in very different ways for different people. You are ahead of the game for realizing at least some of your more recent feelings are tied to the loss of your precious companion.
I realize we have shared on this before; yet, I feel led to share again. I had a wonderful service animal, a beautiful German Shepherd. She was always at my side, day and night. We were ultra bonded with one another. After approx 8 years together, she passed on from cancer.
I have felt a HUGE loss since. It seems neverending. I think it will get easier every year; yet, not so much!
I have not had the heart to get another one yet. For one thing, I am not in a place where I can easily have one right now. I am not sure of what I want in the future. It will depend upon my lifestyle, my housing situation, my ability to properly meet all of the needs of my furry friend, including getting him/her enough exercise, etc.
Service animals have some additional needs, in my own humble opinion. In many cases, they are serving people with illnesses/disabilities, etc. Animals are usually very sensitive to their environments, as this is a part of their survival instincts. Additionally, their training as service animals trains them to tune in to their human partner at all times. Well, many of their human partners are experiencing severe pain, depression, anxiety., chronic frustration, etc.
I fully believe service animals need extra exercise, some scheduled breaks for FUN only, need some scheduled breaks from the daily grind and from the ongoing exposure to environments where their health and welfare are not the biggest concern and, often, falls short of meeting the daily welfare needs of the service animal. These animals have emotions, too. They may eventually suffer when they sense their human guardian is suffering, etc.
I will end that rant, lol. BirdDancer, I believe we both have had enough awareness of the needs of our animal companions that we have taken great care of each of them.
This type of a very close bond cannot be forgotten. This type of a loss can have a very intense and a long-term grieving on the part of the living partner.
You have written about feeling some extra heaviness when you usually feel lighter than the scale registers. I wonder how much of the sense of "heaviness" might be a manifestation of your grief?
In most cases, we tend to wait , hoping the grieving will pass. There is no amount of time which is "correct" for anyone/any loss.
I am wondering if there might be an action or a ritual which might help you to work your way through your grief? You have a very creative mind. I imagine you might be able to come up with an exercise, a ritual that might serve you well?
There are many creative members/friends here and possibly one of them has an idea of some sort?
I am going to think on it, too. I still grieve the loss of my service animal in a very big way.
It is just fine to cry.
I wish you healing in every way, on every level.
