HI!

I am glad you are okay.

I could be wrong, yet it seems you often want to cancel appointments where it is possible you might find some help?
Do you feel this is true or not so true?

Do you go to your appointments prepared? I think you have tried to do so in the past?

I think the only way we can be sure we are being taken seriously, or to be sure we are understood, is to ask the pdoc and/or the therapist about their own understanding at any given point.

If you wish to know if you have been taken seriously and/or if you have been heard at all, why cancel appointments? We need to inquire of those very people in order to know what they are thinking in order to have our concerns answered.

I have been here just a little over 3 years now. I don't recall you ever feeling okay with a therapist. Is this true? I could be wrong. If this is true, do you know why it is true? Establishing a relationship with a therapist is often very important, as doing so usually gives someone a place where they can safely share and can feel safe and supported. Therapists might also help to facilitate better understandings between patients and pdocs when the pdocs do not know the patient well.

Do I recall that you often feel that you will scare the therapist if you reveal the truth? Has this happened before?
If so, have you been able to express this concern to any "new" therapist? If so, has the new therapist been reassuring to you?

Sometimes, some practitioners say that the relationships we do or do not form with our therapists have very similar attributes to our other relationships. I don't know if this is true or not, for any of us. It seems to hold some truth for me.

Are you able to form relationships with other people? (outside of your H and your son)
If so, what are these relationships like? Do you find them helpful, fulfulling, supportive, other?

Are there programs you could attend which would give you more support and where others might get to know you better?
These might be day programs or evening support goups, etc.

It is almost impossible to know if we are understood when we isolate. In order to get an idea of who we are in relationship to others, we need to have others reflect back to us information about who they perceive us to be, how they perceive our behaviors, our intentions, etc. We cannot understand these things when we are alone most of the time.

It is very important for you to figure out some approaches to forming some relationships, maybe starting with a therapist?

I believe you can stabilize, can overcome a lot, if only you can form therapeutic relationships with a therapist and a pdoc. You need a team that works together. You seem to often be concerned about not fully disclosing information to these people. If you truly desire to get as well as possible, you might as well tell them your truth.

Life is short. Time is passing by. You can get a handle on your life. Why not dedicate yourself to doing so? Make getting well your number one priority. Keep your eye on the prize at all times. Are you able to commit yourself to being honest, to working with a team, to giving recovery your very best every single day?

You are a very intelligent, loving person. I believe you have an incredible amount to offer others. I would like to see you enJOYing your life as much as possible. I'll bet you would like to be enJOYing life as well. So, why not take some chances and give it all you have to give? What do you have to lose?

My very best to you and to yours, MM!