Thanks so much for this post, lillib. I can relate to so much of it.
Denial and doubt are old friends.
Shifting experiences - from full amnesiac blackouts to co-con to slipping and sliding states of self - are confusing realities that muddy the waters of denial too.
Labels require definitive yes or no criteria and I see so many people get hung up on which label fits. When I think the reality is more like a fluctuating spectrum.
Perhaps one day the dissociative disorder criteria will shift to be more like the new understanding of autism spectrum disorders. They used to have Aspergers and then Autism as separate diagnoses, much like OSDD and DID. Now they recognise that both Aspergers and Autism are on the same spectrum, and there is little point in separating the two. Just like OSDD and DID (and PTSD and complex PTSD) are on the same spectrum with the same causes and the same treatments. There is little value in chasing a precise label. The problem is not a label, the problems are the result of trauma. You treat the traumatic sequelae regardless of what letters are deemed to fit on the box.