I want to say thank-you so much for responding. This means so much to me.

seems you often want to cancel appointments

I do often want to cancel appointments. I don’t cancel appointments I go anyway.

Do you go to your appointments prepared? I think you have tried to do so in the past?

I write but with most I go quiet. Most therapists wont read what I write and I don’t know how to vocalize it. I’m no good at reading out loud so that doesn’t work. There have been a couple of therapists that have read what I write or have been able to keep me talking enough to help. It’s when those go in my file that I get freaked out. I was raised not to put anything on paper.

I think the only way we can be sure we are being taken seriously, or to be sure we are understood, is to ask the pdoc and/or the therapist about their own understanding at any given point.

What do I ask to make sure I’m heard. I’m honest but downplay naturally.

If you wish to know if you have been taken seriously and/or if you have been heard at all, why cancel appointments?

I want to be done trying. This is to hard. I get stressed out before each appointment and stumble through them and they don’t help in the end.

We need to inquire of those very people in order to know what they are thinking in order to have our concerns answered.

I have been here just a little over 3 years now. I don't recall you ever feeling okay with a therapist. Is this true?

I’ve had a couple of them but not in the past 3 years no.

If this is true, do you know why it is true?

I can’t seem to click with any of them. Every 2 weeks is too long for me but no one has the availability to see me weekly.

Therapists might also help to facilitate better understanding between patients and pdocs when the pdocs do not know the patient well.

I trust my pdoc more then T but I’m the person that doesn’t go into much detail. Just x is happening.

Do I recall that you often feel that you will scare the therapist if you reveal the truth? Has this happened before?

I’ve been transferred many times for higher frequency appointments which never work out because they have the same availability as the previous T.

If so, have you been able to express this concern to any "new" therapist?

I haven’t really been able to verbalize anything real to my therapists

Are you able to form relationships with other people?

Most of my relationships with my family are superficial and I don’t even say “Hi” to others. Sometimes even when they say hi to me. I generally answer with one / two word sentences. Hell even with my husband I get that quiet some times.

If so, what are these relationships like? Do you find them helpful, fulfilling, supportive, other?

The only relationships I have is on PC and honestly I feel I take more than give. What you see on the boards are my only communication with others I hardly ever PM.

Are there programs you could attend which would give you more support and where others might get to know you better?

I’m sure there are but with our schedule and my fear of the human race I’m not sure I could handle it. They would need a pdoc regularly but meds don’t work like that it takes a while to work. I would need an end date.

It is almost impossible to know if we are understood when we isolate. In order to get an idea of who we are in relationship to others, we need to have others reflect back to us information about who they perceive us to be, how they perceive our behaviors, our intentions, etc. We cannot understand these things when we are alone most of the time.

I’m around others I just don’t talk to them

It is very important for you to figure out some approaches to forming some relationships, maybe starting with a therapist?

How many therapists do I try before just giving up?

I believe you can stabilize, can overcome a lot, if only you can form therapeutic relationships with a therapist and a pdoc.

I hope so.

You need a team that works together.

My new T and old pdoc work at two different locations. My pdoc only work monday/tuesday.

you might as well tell them your truth.

I don’t even know what to say. I say I’m depressed or hearing things and what not. They ask me to scale my feelings and then are shocked / confused why it’s so low.

Why not dedicate yourself to doing so?

I spend most of my time researching how to help myself. I just suck at using any skills when needed.

Are you able to commit yourself to being honest, to working with a team, to giving recovery your very best every single day?

I feel like I have. I’m tired. I have to keep trying at least for another year.

You are a very intelligent, loving person. I believe you have an incredible amount to offer others. I would like to see you enJOYing your life as much as possible. I'll bet you would like to be enJOYing life as well.



So, why not take some chances and give it all you have to give? What do you have to lose?

I have to.