I think WC has bought up some VERY important questions that has got you thinking.... which is wonderful !

You have struggled to find a T since you moved to Florida,

I know your WV T really knew you well and you had a great relationship.

I don’t think you have the skill set yet to go without having a T. I know that you have struggles from numerous side while trying to get into a groove of seeing a T and then understanding how you truly are feeling... you hide a lot and downplay how your really doing out of fear. A T or Pdoc can only help as much as you allow them too.

I think you like to keep secrets... maybe not intentional but I think you struggle like many people to be honest, yes a new T might be alarmed to hear how you truly are feeling. I know a 50 min session can fly by in what feels like seconds. But you need to figure out a way to explain how you feel in either a short written note or a brief suck it up and talk out loud.

Maybe this new T will be a good fit ??? But you will never know until you push and be heard.

Honestly I think you would do a great service to yourself and family and do an PHP or IOP. When was the last time you walked outside and felt the sun on your face and happy to go somewhere? When did you last take a walk on the beach ? When did you lady feel truly alive??

If you can’t remember it easily then you have been stuck too long and it’s going to take a big cry out for help to get those needed services and I say it again ... the easiest way to get into one is to be signed up while IP..

okay your not actively suicidal on the edge of the ledge but so what ... you lie often when a provider asks you how your feeling if your suicidal ??? So go IP saying your suicidal.. get in the system , get signed up so you will have that extra support when your discharged.

I truly believe the only way your going to get more access to resources is to jam yourself in hospital and out patient services.

Squeak wheel will get oil, currently your wheel is rusted shut.

Talk a step ... take a leap ... fight for yourself to find enjoyment in your life.

Think of it as going out to dinner... if you just ask for chicken.... sure you will get chicken , maybe a drumstick only. If you ask for Chicken and potatoes and a vegetable with salad. There .. it’s a whole meal. But you only got it because you asked for each bit...

So figure out what you want to order , in life