AHA parenting is a good resource, Hand in hand parenting podcasts are good. I agree, it's perfectly normal to want to hit (especially if that was how you were treated as a child), it very different wanting to and actually doing it. I have kids and one thing that helps me, is trying to remember that my kid is not trying to give me a hard time, they are having a hard time. Use empathy first and listen to what they want to say... no solutions, just space to be seen and heard..

Also, if you lose your ****, it's ok, it's normal, just start again without being hard yourself (empathy for your adult self too). It's a big learning curve... we're trying to break the cycle of generations of abusive behaviour - it's not going to happen overnight.