I want to put feelers out here for conversation around this topic. I am grappling with it in therapy at the moment and can't quite get it.
For many years our system was ruled by those alters who live in denial. They are positively attached to the perpetrators and live as though there is no problem in life at all. (Apart from the fact that, without being consciously aware of it, they had to live a very restricted life in order to not be triggered into Others.) T describes these alters as ANPs... they just get on with life and study and parenting and ignored anything and everything that might trigger them out of their little bubbles.
They have receded more and now there is new group of alters in front... me and others who are aware of the abuse and definitely do not like our perpetrators or want to see them. We go to therapy and very much struggle with work and parenting and depression and PTSD and triggers etc. T says we are much more connected to the EPs, the trauma holders. Which is true.
In therapy at the moment these two groups of alters are trying to understand the other... and while we can understand in theory, we are vehemently opposed to each other in practise. Those ones who are attached to the perpetrators make us sick... we cannot stand or tolerate being close to the perps, or even thinking about being attached to them in any way. We cannot get past the overriding thought that no part of US could be attached to them. If they are, then they cannot possibly be Us.
Likewise they cannot stand us. They think we are evil liars who should be excised or killed. They vehemently deny that their family is abusive, and do not believe the memories at all.
We have been stuck on this for quite some time now, although we have made progress in other areas this issue prevents us from moving forward any further.
Has anyone else grappled with this? If so , what worked for you to help you move past it?