I don't know. I'm just really exhausted and tired. And have been through so much this year. I don't feel loved by my family or like I belong with them, and had to move back in with them again. They don't act like they love me at all....I feel like a stranger. I signed a contract with my parents today, an adult-child to parent contract, which they haven't done with any of my other siblings. And I feel so unloved. Some of it was even belittling to me and hurtful. I'm used to it though. I don't know what it's like to feel loved by my own family, I always see other families and wonder what it's like.

I'm trying to stay strong. Getting back into therapy. If my family doesn't love me, it looks like I need to make up for it by loving myself extra. Which I've been working on all year. It's just been a bad year in general. Just so much bad, one thing after another and another and another. I haven't had a break for months. I've been trying to keep my chin above the water to not fall into a depressive episode.