I have. Disorganized attachment is what I have or had or continue to have. I am happy being single for that reason. I just want friends now.

The alters who were like my abusers were Damian and Delilah and the Evil Queen and Evil King and Mastermind. They were scary and mean at first. They learned to be protectors from Johnny and Julia, two protector alters. They wanted approval and love from our abusers, so that is why they were created... To try to please the abusers by identifying with them and then internalizing them. We are not bad; we were just hurt. The alters needed to learn that they were taught wrong and were morally injured. This is what moral injury looks like for DID. Our internalized persecutor alters may be triggering, but they need help and can change. They validate our pain, but it may not seem that way at first. They feel disgusting at first. But that is the self-love or system-love we have to learn for all of our parts.

Disorganized attachment is like constantly shifting different roles, different enmeshment types, different versions of Stockholm syndrome, different feelings. Unlike black-and-white thinking, we think on multiple levels and interact with people on multiple levels. Our moods not only fluctuate, but so do our perceptions, cultural beliefs, likes and dislikes. It depends on our system, and how well we communicate. Our traumas were stored in fragmented memories, it seems, but that is my non-scientific and biased opinion.

The alters you mention served a protecting purpose, though it may not feel that way now. They can learn to be kind and protective and to heal from their unrealized pain, and you can heal with them. It is painful though.