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Originally Posted by lightly toasted
Lundi, you are very unlikely to meet the woman most suited at events for extroverts. My husband has Asperger's and his dating, social history is not dissimilar to your's.
I think online, perhaps in communities geared towards people on the spectrum is where you would find a woman who really understands you. A woman who would appreciate your uniqueness, and who would be grateful to find a man who understands her as well.
And, I'm not suggesting that you should only date women on spectrum, or that NT women will never be happy with you. But the extroverted sphere of party-going NTs is not the place for you to find life-long companionship. It's not the place for a lot of folks not on spectrum who are more introverted either.
Either way, introverted women, who enjoy similar things and are looking to date a man who enjoys the same, are likely to be at home online and not at meetups.
ETA: And ask yourself, is this something you even want? You have doggedly pursued your education and interests of chess and foreign languages, no doubt because they mattered to you. Are you really lonely for the companionship of a romantic or sexual relationship? Or is that just how you've been told you should feel? When you are engaged with something that excites you, is your first reaction to think "gosh, I wish I had a girlfriend to share this with?" Or are you quite content to enjoy most things on your own?
There are many successful, happy and productive people who have never had a sexual/romantic relationship and been at peace with that. You don't need to be sexual, you don't need to be in a relationship, there are even NTs who are very happy living lives as single virgins. It happens, and it really is okay. Sure in the superficial world of "we all must be the same" it's not very cool or fashionable, but does the approval and acceptance of these people really matter? Or is this ( a romantic or sexual relationship) truly feel like something you and only you want for yourself?
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The dating this I am definitely doing for me. I have received a lot of criticism, but I do a lot of things that get me criticised for not obeying the norm. For example, I have had a very alternative look since around age 17-18. I had hair past my shoulder and John Lennon replica glasses up to age 25. A lot of women whom I met, most likely neurotypical, told me that I would look better with short hair and contacts. But I really did not want that look. Now I have shoulder-length hair and aviator glasses like Ray Manzarek.
Maybe I am too into what I learnt as a child, too romantic. I dislike the games and body language reading of modern dating. I live several minutes away from the Pacific Ocean, and at sunset, as in like right at this moment, I like to sit in my backyard and watch the sun go down. I feel like something is missing, like I cannot share this with anyone, which is why I felt so depressed about not having a girlfriend. I eat alone at restaurants, and despite having become comfortable from people staring and making comments about me, it would be enjoyable to eat with a girlfriend instead of me reading a book and eating alone. I often listen to love songs of older bands like The Carpenters and Bread, thinking how it would be nice to listen to (or even play) these songs with a girlfriend. These little moments make me feel like I am missing out on something that would lighten up life at least a bit.
All of the relationship stuff I feel like I am missing something, no matter how much academics I do. I could study medicine, get the grandmaster title in chess and achieve C1-C2 in ten foreign languages, but still feel like I am missing out on relationships. I understand that many people feel content single, but I feel rather lonely by myself all the time.
The virginity issue is tied in with the relationship issue more or less. I feel that I also miss out on intimacy. I hope that this does not sound like too much information, but I have a high sex drive as well. Instead of enjoying this in a relationship, I often have to relieve my urges by myself on a regular basis.
I opened online dating accounts when I was around 25. OKCupid, PlentyOfFish, Tinder, Match, Bumble, and lately I installed Cove. But this never has worked. I have never met anyone from a dating app. And in my area I often see extroverted women--often pictures where they pretend to drink the entire champagne bottle, are in a nightclub, hiking in Yosemite, at a pool party with captions like "Go shorty, it your birthday.". Around 75%+ of the profiles seem to be like that.
Unless there is an online dating site for introverted, more studious people, but so far I do not know of any.