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Originally Posted by wildflowerchild25
Yes I will have insurance I think, I just signed up through the healthcare.gov. As long as they accept my documents I will have it. I won’t go back on invega as it screwed up my hormones and caused me to gain 75lbs in a year. Stability is not worth gaining more weight. Especially since I might have diabetes already.
Today it was hard to get out of bed. But I did it. I didn’t think I could make it through work but I did. So small victories. The last thing I have to do today is take a shower before my appointments. Seems impossible but I’m going to try. I might end up just washing my hair. I did shower yesterday so it’s not an immediate need.
I’m not sure if I feel safe driving to my appointments today. I will be on the highway and it will be hard not to hurt myself. But there’s no one to watch my son if RS comes with me. He’d have to sit in the waiting room and entertain my son for twenty minutes at the pdoc and 45 minutes at my T. I don’t want to do that to him. He’ll do it if I ask him to because he’s so sweet but I don’t want to have to. It just might be safer if I don’t drive.
I asked RS if he’d miss me if I were gone. I knew he would say yes but I just needed to hear it. Manipulative, perhaps. I’m not sure. I didn’t mean to scare him. But I am feeling very low and the suicidal thoughts are looming. I know my family would be destroyed if I did it so I’m trying to combat them. I have t hurt myself yet so that’s good.
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Oh yes now I remember altho Invega worked well mood wise but did cause a big weight gain. I swear it seems all meds do that.. grrrr !
Have you ever tried Latuda?? Maybe that’s an option when you get insurance. It’s pushed as something working on depression not so much hypo/mania part.
I’m glad you were able to get up and face another day , even tho you struggle , but’s it’s a win !
Maybe you need to stress to RS that you weren’t doing it to stress him out but to help explain your struggle. I had told my husband about those thoughts years ago, it really messed with his head, I didn’t realize just how much so I stopped telling him.. if I did get truly unsafe I would wind up needing to go IP. Just make sure he’s up to hearing it and it not cause him mental harm and feeling helpless.
Judy keep going day to day
