Thank you both. I told my husband when he voiced what I had initially told him, that it was his fault that we need not go there and now the task at hand was to protect the others by changing our ways. He understood. I see the deep pain in his eyes and I know he saw her die and he buried her. His voice is also very scratchy from yelling at me over the phone when I was yelling. I told him to take some honey and tea and to sooth his voice. It is a terrible thing. I am aching so much and trying not to think of it. I can't deal with this pain. It hurts to see fewer feet. I love her. It is very complicated.