Wendy, I know you so I do not take your actions as punishing. This experience is a very loaded one indeed. I feel angry PERIOD. I feel angry at so many things around me now and in the far past, recent past, it just is boiling inside. I know who you are and it's okay on the level that you did what you were asked and even that it is hard to keep general from being flooded. It just felt very painful to me. I felt angry. No, not at you. It is so close to me now, all of what I wrote as I am having more frequent flashbacks and I am worrying over my 2 remaining babies. They used to work with me and taught themselves to be good therapy pups. And then that is loaded as my old job and my very old supervisor in that old job came down on the dogs for no good reason. It is loaded because I had gotten a different pup and she needed to be put down shortly after I got her but not before I loved her due to a birth defect.(in her tummy). I had this pup because she was my blanket, my bandage to sooth my shattered soul when my foster baby was taken. It is all very complicated.