Hi your message made me think of a book I am reading (adult children of emotionally unavailable parents). They talk about externalizers there (= people who were not given enough love in their youth and now seek the cause of the lonely feeling externally). This may be hard to read or accept as true, but the only thing you have control over is you. It would be in your best interest to learn to forgive (this does not mean accepting bad behavior, rather accepting that people can do cruel things to eachother and that you were on the receiving end. Consider your past as a learning ground to which kind of behaviors you will not tolerate or accept, set those boundaries and simultaneously accept that some people might breach those boundaries regardless of how firmly they were set. These are the people you want to cut out of your life (or avoid as much as possible).

I know, easier said then done. If you are struggling, you could consider getting some professional help,

Sorry if I have upset you with this message, ...