I'll try and be as succinct as possible.

I have been with my wife for 25 years. We met in college and have two wonderful kids now 10 and 6. I believe we are doing a good job with them.

I'm in long term therapy, this time trying to change into the person I am meant to be. I am not content living in the mediocre ( at best) or the chaos (worst). I have always been made to feel I am responsible for others happiness or the lack of. I know that's not true now, but I am a work in progress

In relationships, when one grows tremendously, and the other either refuses or is heavily resistant, how do you maintain balance? I know I have to stay in my lane and focus on me and my growth, but it damn hard sometimes.

When I first went back to therapy, I was going out of a negative place. "If my partner steps up and becomes an equal partner, I'll be fine and won't want to walk away." She has gone in periodically by herself ( and stopped going because "it doesn't work on me") and only came back after she got the last cry for help from me to try and save the marriage. While some behaviors have changed, I find myself wanting more. I refuse to settle for mediocre any longer.

Now, I have my own issues and I will not pretend I do not. I am certain I am not in love with her . There are two things holding me back right now as far as ending the marriage 1) we cannot afford two households at this moment 2) she is so fragile emotionally I do not think even if I figured out a way to maintain 2 households, she will not go full vengeance.

Optimally, it would be all wonderful if we could fall back in love on a genuine level but there are other issues with me on that too ( she is not visually appealing to me anymore but that's an unmentionable of course) . I also have insecure attachment which I'm trying to change.

I feel at this time, if she would do some work, she would come to the same conclusion that while we are two good parents, we are better off not being together. Co-parenting as two respectful adults with the maturity to make wise decisions as far as our individual selves and raising our kids how we want to raise them.

So, has anyone found themselves in a **cked position like this? Knowing it's pretty much dead with slim to no chance of revival , and not solvent enough to leave because you feel you're ready emotionally?