Oh, I have to say that I feel sad reading that so many people are struggling or have major stressors coming up. I'll admit that after a bit of an "up" yesterday, I have dipped below euthymic today. My thinking has been all over the place. Sometimes I feel I have an incredible clarity of thinking, and then other times I feel totally blocked. I feel a bit of a block right now, so apologize I can't respond to everyone I'd like to. I am sending hugs to everyone who needs them, though.

yellow_fleurs, I am sorry your grandmother is so unhappy. I know the pain of seeing someone you love in that state of mind. I try hard not to totally drive myself to depression thinking about how my father is feeling. He's probably home sleeping right now, after drinking himself to sleep. When he wakes up, he'll likely start drinking again until he sleeps again. He's depressed, too, and we worry so much but feel utterly powerless in terms of helping him. I told my psychiatrist yesterday that I just no longer know what to say to him. I'm so overwhelmed that I can't even bear to see him, as horrible as that sounds. For a moment, I sensed my psychiatrist was judging me for that, but then I put it out of my mind quickly because my mood was quite "up".

Christina, money issues are utterly horrible to have to deal with. I'm sorry you're dealing with them, too. I guess my husband and I should still count ourselves lucky, but money will determine the directions of our lives. It is one that I am so sad about. It's one I feel guilty about, too. I know that I shouldn't feel guilty about my illness putting us in our current position, but that guilt flits around in my mind between my attempts to block it. Dang, I also fully understand the sadness of losing (through retirement, move, or other means) a trusted and liked therapist. I've experienced some grief these last few years because of that. I did find a really wonderful new therapist, though. They are out there. Now I look back at all of the gifts the select few have given me in the past and try to recognize this new and interesting phase of my recovery that I'm in now. My psychiatrist is probably one of the people in my life I've most adored and appreciated, outside of family members. He is likely 73 years old now. He once told me he never planned to retire, which made me so extremely happy. However, his is not young. Plus, my husband and I plan to move far away in a few years. I think about that often. I wish that I could have him as a pen pal when that time comes, but that will surely not be.

The first time I told my psychiatrist that my husband wanted to move to Europe he practically yelled "Dont do it!" That was maybe three or four years ago. I remember that halfway thrilled me and halfway made the prospect of moving even more painful. I even talked about his statement with my then therapist. I asked "Should he have said such a thing to interfere in my life?" In response, she said very little or even somewhat agreed with him. Even worse? Leaving him will be like a death in my close family. Please no one judge me, but I wonder if it will be even harder than when I eventually lose my father. These last 13 years, my psychiatrist has given me more (in a certain way) than my father. I will almost feel like losing my psychiatrist will almost be like losing my mother again. I'm frightened of that.