married, it sounds to me like you're a little hard on yourself but here's my thoughts, for what they are worth.

Every marriage has two people with two perspectives, two sets of needs, two sets of expectations, two sets of morals, etc. In the marriage, it's the problem of the two parties to figure this stuff out (sex, porn, you name it). The goal, obviously, is for both people to get what they need, feel loved and respected, and grow old together.

So therapy can be a good option in that it gives a structure to work this stuff out but in the end, it's all up to you and your husband. And it's not easy.

Take, for example, your desire to have him never think of anyone but you. Does this strike you as realistic? In my experience, this is impossible for any man. It doesn't mean we'd ever cheat or that we really have any interest in ever living out our thoughts, it just means that thoughts happen and saying that isn't allowed forces us to lie to you.

But on the other hand, you find the prospect of him thinking of someone else hurtful and you feel porn is a visible extension of such thoughts. Well, he should be sensitive to that and keep it out of sight (and I don't mean lie about having it, just not rubbing your nose in it). My wife knows I enjoy porn but I still go out of my way to ensure that she never sees it or even knows when I've been using it.

Anyway, you get the idea. It's about the two of you, what you can cope with, and what you require of each other to be happy. Honesty and communication are key.

Relationships are hard. Good luck to you both.

Cyran0