My father in law passed suddenly about 2 years ago resulting from an agressive brain tumor that seemingly came from nowhere. He was diagnosed on a Friday and had surgery on a Sunday and was never the same. He hung on for about a year after the surgery but wasn't ever really himself.

The saddest part was that we couldn't or at least we didn't feel as if we ever got the chance to say "goodbye" properly. Maybe somewhere in his fog, during that last year, I'd like to think that he understood why we were there with him.

Holidays are tough now so is the gaping hole in all of our lives that opened up when he passed. On the bright side however, we do get the feeling that he's still with us. He's in a better place but still connected to us, watching over us and (we hope) very happy to follow us along as our lives and his grand kids' lives unfold.

Maybe your brother is in that same place watching over you, happy to be missed but understanding (more so than we) that things are actually in balance. He's where he needs to be and so are you.