Thank you for saying that, @TunedOut

Yes, you're right. We're both veterans!

That does sound like a tough situation for single women, or any woman. Being married, or having a certain level of clout, are protective forms against victimization, or what is known in criminal justice as "capable guardianship." Being a single woman would be a risk because she would lack capable guardianship in such situations, which might make her more of a target for sexual victimization or otherwise.

My military friends and I would often go out drinking when I was in my early 20s. Drinking was very common. I'm surprised that I didn't wind up with an alcohol use disorder, as I recalled binge drinking at times. There were other times when I was not drinking, however, and I was more focused on being the best I could be at any task given to me. I miss those times. It felt as though I was part of something bigger than myself, and that the skies the limit with the endless possibilities. When I was discharged, I felt ashamed and didn't know what was going on with me. I wasn't diagnosed with any mental disorders while in service or even upon discharge, so it took a little while for me to get a PTSD diagnosis in the civilian world. Between discharge and my PTSD diagnosis, I was in and out of emergency room all the time. I had difficulties with my old high school friends. I wound up being in an abusive relationship with a very insecure but cruel man, and I couldn't even fight back. The strong person I knew was gone - forever. All the training I went through - gone, too. It's as if part of my memories and who I was back then were erased, with only fragmented memories remaining to keep me somewhat sane. I couldn't even face my family upon discharge.

Despite all the negatives, I love the title of your squadron! I would give anything to be in an environment that offered those skills! My guaranteed enlistment in the Marines was a MOS of something in the 7000s, which was either air traffic control or air support (not a pilot, but just support), which is what I wanted to learn. I never deployed or got to do that, due to my injuries and sexual trauma while in service (though they only knew about the injuries, not the sexual trauma). I scored high enough on the ASVAB back then for a guaranteed enlistment, and my prior police reserve academy experience allowed for an E-2 enlistment, instead of an E-1. What you describe in terms of the job itself sounds really awesome! I'm sure you've learned many valuable skills while in service.

Indeed, the VA has made many improvements! The great thing about the VA's mental health system is their accountability. There is the OIC to call, or even the VA Crisis Line if a therapist or medical doctor at the VA acts unethical or harms a veteran or a veteran's family member, which is a plus. I feel safe for that reason alone. The treatments are all specialized, so referrals to different therapists are likely for multiple mental health issues. There are still some therapists that aren't as great as others at the VA, but many are in training while practicing, and some are seasoned. It's a good combination, and I'm used to it. The Vet Center offers mental health treatment outside of the VA Hospital, and quite often the therapists there would go on outings with their clients to veteran events (funded through the VA/Federal Government), such as camping, skydiving, equine therapy, local events, or the movies. Unlike the civilian world, therapy allows for outside interaction like that, sometimes with the same clients seeing the same therapist and all knowing one another. For us, it's cool and doesn't interfere with our treatment like it probably would for other conditions that are largely occurring in the civilian sector. Conversely, civilian therapists would have more restrictions, and having clients know one another would be considered a conflict of interest. Additionally, civilian therapists were only allowed to hold groups, but rarely would you hear about outings with their clients, even if therapeutic (except for maybe things like equine therapy).

The only benefit that I had with civilian therapists and not VA therapists is treatment for my dissociation - in particular, DID. The VA considers complex PTSD as "chronic" PTSD, so the name changes are slightly different, probably representing the heterogeneity of trauma that occurs outside of complex childhood trauma, though a lot of veterans have experienced both childhood trauma (not necessarily complex, but it could be) as well as military service-connected trauma of some sort (with or without meeting the diagnosis of PTSD). It's rare to see a veteran with dissociation, so I suppose that such treatment would be at my expense in the civilian sector.

Overall, however, I have experienced better mental health treatment at the VA - even if the therapists I've seen weren't able to see me every week. When I met with therapists for a short time for specialized treatments, they seemed to help. Most therapists were kind and attentive listeners at the VA, and there was no questioning of attachment or anything like that, and my childhood traumas were not the sole focus of treatment. In the civilian sector, I was rarely asked (if at all) about my military traumas or if I was even a veteran; most of my treatments were on childhood traumas, even though I would constantly reiterate that my adulthood traumas are my main concern. For fear of many years prior to my enrolling in the VA system, I felt I couldn't say anything about my military traumas at all, so I maintained "confidentiality" while attributing my symptoms to childhood traumas, and sometimes even pretending that my military traumas were my childhood traumas, out of avoiding disclosing my military traumas. I know that sounds weird, but I felt scared to say anything negative about the military I served under. So I maintained secrecy and confused both my therapists and myself all those years. I feel as though civilian therapists NEED to be trained to understand military traumas so that when they have a veteran client, they are aware of their adulthood traumas and not just their childhood traumas. It's just different. Thankfully, the VA finally relieved me of my concerns of disclosing my military traumas in treatment, though I cannot remember them all, and I still have a very hard time discussing my military traumas. I can discuss my adulthood traumas and childhood traumas relatively okay, but it's harder for me to discuss my military traumas for some reason.

I hope the VA mental health care is treating you well. I'm glad you are benefiting from their services! [/QUOTE]

You are so correct in what you said about leadership. In the Marines and Navy, we utilized an acronym called "JJDIDTIEBUCKLE." How To Apply Marine Leadership Traits To Business - Task & Purpose

It was our leadership motto, which represented (I had to look some of the following up for lack of memory):
J - Justice
J - Judgment
D - Dependability
I - Initiative
D - Decisiveness
T - Tact
I - Integrity
E - Enthusiasm
B - Bearing
U - Unselfishness
C - Courage
K - Knowledge
L - Loyalty
E - Endurance

When I consider my failings in life, I reflect back on each of these areas to tell me where I need to improve (even though I'm not a leader per se). I wrote in a separate post that I am now afraid of authority figures, which happened sometime after my military traumas. I don't know how I went from being trained as a leader to being a cowardice. What I do know is that somewhere deep inside me, these skills are within me. I've not always been mentally stable, but I've always bounced back somehow - albeit with symptoms of mental illness.

When I worked for a short time before my disability, I noticed the lack of leadership found among Fortune 500 companies, manufacturing companies, a healthcare insurance company, and other companies I had worked for. What you describe in your experiences of military leadership in the Air Force sounds a lot like a really good mentoring experience, including the hangouts and personal development as well as professional development. I think many leadership roles in civilian life do not offer mentoring in their job duties, which is a leadership skill that really should take place.

Unlike military culture, the civilian world in the US is based on individualism, so it comes as no surprise that there would be a lack of mentoring among leadership in the civilian sector. Conversely, military culture is largely based on collectivism, since we all have one another's backs (or are supposed to), and we care about keeping service members fit for duty and employing teamwork, as opposed to the harsh civilian world that will look for a reason to replace you and keep your position compartmentalized. Although, it is true that some military jobs have to be compartmentalized for security reasons, there's a strong communication between the ranks, and there's a sense of duty, obligation, and loyalty among all members of service. I miss those features in both the civilian workforce and academia.

Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts with me! It is really healing to talk with another veteran. I feel so much more connected, and my fears about the VA are not as bad whenever I can speak with other veterans.

I wonder what your leadership motto was. Hmm.