Sorry you're struggling with this. I've had mostly... all?... female (and short-term ) t's, and I was glad of that. And, past my thirties, I'd have avoided a male one; I'd definitely have sexualised things.

So I completely understand.

It's not your fault.

I'm worried that you might be walking into the agonies of unrequited love here.

Others here have had the opposite, but equally crushing, experience of being sexually and emotionally used by a therapist.

So awful!

Think of it this way. Would a medical doctor who you have to undress in front, be examined by etc ever ever ever for even a millisecond see you in that way?