@ReRe54

I'm so sorry you are struggling with all of this.

You raise a lot of good questions (for multiple different areas) that a mental health professional might be able to help you answer.

Nevertheless, I can share some of my experiences with you.

Regarding the integration coming undone, I do think it is possible. I sometimes feel as though my integration never stuck, or that I didn't integrate properly (but tried my hardest to follow what the therapist said coupled with pleasing the therapist). The question you raise is one that I'm interested in learning about as well. Meanwhile, we're dealing with some common struggles, so all I can share with you are my experiences, and to let you know that I can relate. You're not alone. Perhaps there is a process that needs to take place to manage triggers - not just for ourselves, but also for our alternate personalities, and then revisited again and again until integration takes place (which is what a therapist from in-patient trauma treatment for dissociative disorders had suggested). If we're too quick to integrate, it may be that our alternate personalities (our dissociative coping styles) took a break, but we didn't really heal completely.

Regarding an alter quitting jobs and you losing time and not remembering quitting a job, or you being co-conscious during this process: Perhaps there is something that is triggering about the job, or perhaps there is something triggering about actually going to work and having a new life with your husband. These are all things that only you and a trained therapist could answer together. You know your system best, so you know what your triggers are, or internal communication with your alternate personalities might help you with those answers - but, don't take my word for it, since this would require the help of a mental health professional who is adequately trained with DID and knows what steps you need to take. When you said that you were integrated, it seemed that maybe you may have already had the internal family systems dialogue or some other means for co-consciousness in the past, so that is why I suggested it.

Out of curiosity, how did you integrate in the past? What were the treatments you had to integrate? Are you still seeing the same therapist? How long did it take you to integrate after being co-conscious? Can you find a new therapist to see now to help you with DID?

Regarding telling your partner: I'm not good at these situations, as I've not had any partners and consider myself asexual now. Nevertheless, I can see you are concerned about disclosing your past and/or possibly present diagnosis with your partner. Some questions to consider speaking with a therapist about, and to ask yourself before seeing a therapist or before approaching your partner: How long have you known your partner? How has your partner reacted to challenging news or situations? Has your partner ever known anyone with a mental illness, and how has he reacted to that if so? How close are you with your partner to discuss heavy topics? Have you discussed other heavy topics in the past with your partner, and if so, how did he react? Do you think your partner is ready to hear this right now, or do you think you can wait to see what is going on with your integration first? Is your partner okay with your losing jobs at the moment? Are you both okay financially, despite your job loss(es)? Do you notice that your partner is frustrated with the financial changes or changes in your employment status? The latter questions regarding the employment changes you've had and the resulting financial changes might be easier to discuss at first with your partner than opening up about DID. But again, a trained therapist might be able to help. Also, couple's therapy might be able to help you open up with your partner about all of these issues, in addition to individual therapy for your DID.

What do you think?

I'm sorry I cannot be of much help to you, as I'm still in the process of integration or feeling as though I'm integrated mostly, but there are some lingering parts of myself that are constantly co-conscious. I rarely lose time, but when I do, it's short-lived. Whenever something about your mental illness affects your life, work, and/or relationships, that's when therapy is needed.

I hope these suggestions help.

Meanwhile, know that you're not alone.