I think this is your fault. I think you shared too much of your feelings towards me. I think that is why my need for you has gone the way it did with T1. I think you thought sharing your process was valuable but wrongly thought that this extended to sharing the love you feel towards me, or the attraction you have felt at times. That isn't valuable because it puts unmeetable needs so close to being met that they almost feels in reach, then it kills me that they are not. It was easier back when there was a modicum of caution in how you expressed your feelings to me. When I didn't know that you loved me, or believe that in another set of circumstances we could have been in love with each other. That is too painful because it conflates here and now needs with ancient needs and that's not the same for you. These feelings don't have that strength attached to them for you. Because when you say you love me, you are speaking a here-and-now truth, but you are simultaneously teasing me that you could heal infant wounds, and it is those wounds that make me crave you to the point where almost nothing else matters. Can't you see? Your love for me and particularly what I suspect is your counter-ET is more than a jolly interesting phenomenon to work with in the therapy room - it is the antidote to 35 years of grief, pain and emptiness offered to me on a plate then snatched away. F*** therapy.