I can feel the tears in me well up after reading what I wrote here. I want to cry, but I'm too afraid to. It will deplete the energy I have left, as I also suffer from CFS. I also don't want to be alone when I cry, and I certainly don't want a therapist or a hotline to stop me from crying if I trusted them enough to start and then quickly lost my trust in them the moment they shut down my tears and painful expressions. I just want to be heard, validated, appreciated for trying, accepted for the best efforts I had with the limited resources at the time, and truly safe from all harms - emotional, physical, sexual, reputational, and otherwise. I want to cry in safety, but crying doesn't feel safe. I want to cry as a form of communication, to demonstrate the pain (and love) I have within me. I want to cry to represent the good in me, not the "bad emotion dysregulation" from crying. Why is crying taboo, a pathology of emotion dysregulation, a hindrance to others? Why am I silenced once more from any expression of wrongdoings done to me? WHY did all this happen to me? WHY me?!