Crying feels terrible but it is a part of healing. Eventually, you will be able to cry about this. All of the posting and dreams are leading up to it. I am sorry about all the injustices you have faced. You are a good mother. When you are a mother, you always second guess the choices you have made. You made a huge sacrifice for the good of your child when you gave her up for adoption. You did what you thought was best. There are so many things in this life that are out of our control. The adoptive mother sounds wonderful but so are you!!