You cannot control what others see. Their perception defines what they see amd that is affected by numerous variables you cannot control. All you can control is what you put out every day. You can control your intent. You can control the energy you carry. You can control the physical tasks you take on. You can control your words.

You have a pattern of focusing on others and what they think of you. You get lost in that and forget the best way to have a good experience is to focus on what you want and what brings you joy. Experiences are passing you by while your thoughts dwell on what others are thinking. That most certainly ensures you get less value out of your time. You're really overthinking this and that will create a shadow over anything you do. Let go of the self doubt and just do your very best at what feels right. Do it with a good attitude and maybe even let yourself have some fun. That's the best way to shine. I still don't understand why you need to prove yourself at this moment, but you have all the tools to do it. Just focus on what you're doing and less on who is watching and what they think about it.