My boyfriend and i were together almost 3 years, i got sober a year ago, hes still been getting drunk daily. He holds everything from the past against me, including his ex's cheating, using him etc and fully expects me to do the same... i haven't, and never would. this is why we aren't together now. its been on and off, push pull since around June, he started working just after Xmas, and i started for the same company in march... My gut told me something was up and i snooped in his phone and there was conversations to a coworker eluding to meetups and he swears he didn't cheat, but i call BS. Guilty people often accuse their partners of exactly the behaviors they are committing. My internal injustice scale has been screaming for months. He wants his cake, and to eat it too. wants to be friends with every woman at work on Facebook, friend requests cam girls, emotionally invests with other people all while not talking or sharing with me. i never knew his issues or what was going on until he would drunk explode, and he never took the time to listen or acknowledge anything is going on with me. i have to constantly walk on eggshells, not have a difference in opinion, or have emotions or feeling outside the scope of his... if i do an argument or breakup will ensue.. he threatens suicide/self harm on a regular basis to me and only me, hes never out of line in public so i'm the only one who sees his crazy. and his angry. his public face is happy go lucky. It kinda makes me look like the psycho one and i think that's what he is trying to bill me for. Also I've caught him having taken my medication 2x in an attempt to.. ? IDK he swears he didn't, but i don't drink anymore or do anything to alter my brain and ive had a med im not longer on come up substantially short, and just a few days ago a med be low, with a totally different med in that bottle with it. i would never do that myself. and i'm far from stupid..

anyways the conflict i'm dealing with now is not the ending of the relationship, but the fallout, and the fact that i need him as a roommate cause there is no way i can afford to live on my own. i've been in this apartment almost 16 years and have a great rapport with the landlord. nothing in this area is any cheaper, and the way my place is set up, and only a 1 bedroom at that, if i could find a roomie on the cheap who would accept couch accommodations i'm severely uncomfortable with it seeing as the bathroom is through my bedroom... i have no close friends i could offer to room with me.. i just dont know what to do at this point. i dont want to end up in a shelter.. which is all my community support worker is offering.. low income housing around here is horrible. drunks, drugs, drama.. no thanks. im too old and past that nonsense. im not dealing with it.

i just dont know what to do. i mostly like my job.. i love my place, and i dont want to start over in a new town.