I know I've been M.I.A. for awhile.

Some good news: I am completely off Clonidine. Pdoc hopes to wean me off more meds next visit (Halloween).

At my last visit to the pdoc, right around Oct. 1, I told him how I just couldn't stop impulse buying, no matter my mood (anxious, depressed, manic) and that it's affected our finances and caused a lot of fights with H. I guess I always get a temporary high from it (though it is usually gone by the time I make it home, and most of the places I shop at are 15 minutes or less from my house).

Pdoc thought about it and said he'd put me on a small dose of lithium (150 mg twice daily) since I was never on it before, being diagnosed late in the game.

So I thought, fine, I'll take it, it won't work, but I'll try. I didn't expect anything from it and still am not sure what will happen long term. But the craziest thing did happen about an hour, hour and a half after taking the first pill. All my thoughts calmed down, and I felt like I could think again. Of course, the feeling went away once the pill wore off, but so far, it has been helping me. I have not been impulse buying. I will be close (put things in my cart on Amazon but before checking out wonder if it's really a good idea and put them in the save for later basket). The only impulse buy I've made at a grocery store (with a longish list) was some premade chocolate chip cookie dough. I find I read easier (picture the story better in my head), even watch TV shows easier.

I was on lithium around 5 days when my husband said I seemed different lately. I asked him how, and he said I just seemed more engaged.

I've started to not be passive and just let life happen to me. Instead of waiting for H to sit next to me and snuggle, I'll sit next to him. If I want to talk to one of my sisters on the phone, I will call them instead of waiting for them to call me. But I do think about these things first before acting, decide if there is or could be a bad impact, and if the risk is little to none, I will act on that impulse.

I've had success too and not going shopping when I really want to and at starting on cleaning out my cabinets and pantry. I have toddler stuff still, and my daughter will be 12 in December! I don't manage a lot, but at least some.

I've started to prioritize things like chores and not act immediately on looking stuff up on the internet when I'm busy cooking dinner, surfing the net while burning dinner. Fingers crossed, things will continue to stay good.

Downside is I'm having about 5 lb. water retention (lower legs, ankles, feet swollen). I will mention it to the doctor. Hopefully, it stops there. I can live with carrying 5 lb. more if it means better thinking all around. But beyond that, it starts to get into my hands and fingers (had it happen on a birth control pill once), and it just gets very uncomfortable.