I'm sorry I have not kept up with posts in this thread as well as usual. I have tried to read as many posts here, as possible. I see many people are struggling to varying degrees. I send you all hugs. I promise I will be a better supporter as soon as I can.


I have not been doing well. I told my psychiatrist last week that my moods seem to be cycling as fast as within the same day or two. That's not usual for me. I do see it as a warning sign. I have also experienced some issues that had been absent for a while. One is maladaptive daydreaming and the other, which I only really realized yesterday, were likely visual hallucinations (type?) and derealization. Probably all related. I think the mood spikes are part of what brings this on. I also realize I've experienced the usual triggers I had in the past. Sometimes it takes days for me to finally ask the question: Why are people looking so concerned about me? Why does my psychiatrist keep scheduling appointments only two week between each other, and telling me I should call him if I need to -- even on the days he's at a psycho-pharmacological conference? OK. Now I got it!


My husband and I saw the movie "Joker" last night. It was pretty disturbing. Joaquin Phoenix's performance was outstanding and it was very creatively directed, but unfortunately it did sort of stigmatize mental illness. I wish that hadn't been part of it. Hubby and I discussed that that was not really the movie's real intent. It was actually more a criticism of the current political situation in the US. Yes, it had a political leaning, which I won't discuss. It is surely a one of a kind movie, or the closest one to it was "Bird Man", with Michael Keaton. Before it started, all of the previewed movies were the same ole same ole thing. Action killer movies. You know. Even a new "Terminator" film. There was killing in the "Joker", but it had symbolic meaning, rather than a more literal one. As a dance enthusiast, I was quite impressed with Joaquin's dancing, which he did a lot of in the film. The dancing itself was something I related to a lot. Again, it had a meaning.


My brother texted me this morning saying that he was working in my area. I haven't seen him for a while. Of course I love to see him, but given my mood, I am a little worried about the visit. Last night I didn't take my evening meds until late because of the movie outing. That sometimes affects me negatively. I need to really practice grounding techniques.


PC friends, if ever my behavior here is extremely different than my usual, particularly aggressive or totally over the top, would you please look past it? On some other website the other day, I really typed some doozies. I'm glad I didn't do that here, though this site wouldn't have triggered it like that one did. I think they finally understood there. One member suggested I show my husband what I wrote. I didn't. I don't want to worry him. Plus, I'm a touch better now.