Long story, sorry.
I have an online friend, we can talk everyday about anything, and we have a very strong relationship, so we know about each other's problems.
About her BPD, she feels overwhelmed by social media and socialization in general: she posts her drawings, gets happy when she gets likes but then just feels bad, and since she wanted to vent somehow, I suggested her to make a private account. Here I learned a lot about her disorder, how she felt, etc, and that made me worry a lot about her.
Since I confronted her about this (not in a bad manner, just told her it would be good if she talked to me about her problems) she opened up a lot and told me about her issues, but always bringing back things about how she shouldn't feel like this and that her problems were that of a teenager.
Things were going fine, but one day and without advice, she started "ghosting", when she came back (and after I sent her a lot of messages, because I was worried and there was nothing else I could do... we live like 6000 km apart) we bonded a lot more, she told me she had lost friends because of her evative actitude in the past and that she didn't want the same to happen between us, and that I was the only one she could truly call one, since I listened and cared about her.
We came back to normal, I noticed she tended to bottle up her emotions and ignore her problems, so when we were talking or making a call I would make a pause somewhere to make sure she's okay, and that she could vent if she wanted.
Things were going alright, she ghosted and came back a lot of times, but I was always for her... sending a lot, a lot of messages.
This is something I don't know if it's okay to do. She told me that seeing my messages while she was ghosting encouraged her to "not ruin this friendship because of her actitude" , but at the same time, I know it's not healthy. Let's say she didn't answer for three weeks, that's 1000 or more messages from me, from stickers to "hey, tell me what's going on, i''l listen"
So I'm stuck here again. She has had s*icidal thoughts so I feel like not messaging her is the same as abandoning her, I feel that if I'm not there for her, she will give up.
I have good news though, she started teraphy 2 weeks ago and I really hope it helps her! But I feel kind of left out, what should I do? She keeps posting in her private account, but now doesn't let anyone follow her.