Quote:
Originally Posted by divine1966
I don’t think it’s your responsibility to make sure she addresses her problems with you and doesn’t bottle her emotions.
It’s possible she just wants to chat about other stuff and not necessarily post online in order to address her problems. For example I almost never post anything about any problems online. It doesn’t mean I never have any problems or that I bottle anything, I just usually have no desire to share problems online.
Also sometimes people get busy.
Friendships even if just online should be give and take. It could be that she feels she needs break sometimes. Honestly if someone sent me 1000 messages, I’d likely block them. I think you contacting her so excessively could be overwhelming for her?
You mentioned her seeing a therapist. Have you considered seeing a therapist yourself? Is it possible that being somewhat preoccupied with someone online takes away from your own life and perhaps your own problems?
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mouseberry - I completely agree with @
divine1966 ... Divine put it more succinctly than I did, and I couldn't have said it better.
I will add this, however. Sometimes we get so caught up in being someone else's helper that we forget our own needs - which is codependency. You could benefit from therapy yourself, and/or you could attend CODA meetings. Being overly invested in someone else's problems can actual hinder their treatment and feel somewhat "smothering" or "infantilizing" at times. It's not just BPD, but other conditions such as alcoholism: We as friends, loved ones, or caregivers may feel we are helping, but sometimes that help can go overboard. I don't think it's about BPD as much as it is about the general relationship dynamics that can be easily repaired with some tools and good communication. You have a big heart to care, and that's great! But the best part of someone's recovery is when they can assert themselves and learn how to manage on their own. It sounds like your friend asserted herself a few times, or at least tried to, and that's not BPD, but boundaries that she's learned in her treatment, perhaps. It's good to respect those boundaries. However, when ghosting occurs, I know it is hard, and it is a form of passive aggression, but maybe just wait for a response instead of sending many email reminders. The excessiveness of emails might be what is hindering your relationship.