No one is a perfect parent. If a parent truly thinks they are 24/7 for 18 years then IMO something is wrong with them. There are just so many choices to make for your children and each child is so different. Plus, life throws so many things at us. You are not a failure. You evaluated your circumstances and made the choice that was best for your daughter. I can only imagine how hard it was for you to give her up. I am glad you keep in touch with her adoptive mom. Do you ever see your daughter?

I only realized I have mental health issues after one of my children graduated hs and the younger child was in hs. My mental illness definitely effected them. Our financial situation (not enough income to help them with the transition to adulthood) hurt them. I try not to talk about my children's issues on here but they do need more help but are resistent to getting it. They are dealing with problems either genetically passed down and/or caused by the environment they were raised in. Whether you raise your children or put them up for adoption, many of us struggle with guilt in regards to being a mother. Or maybe my mental illness makes me feel that way.

I hope you can figure out another identity/way to fulfill yourself. All of your experiences give you valuable wisdom. You seem so intelligent. I am angry at those who assaulted you! I hope you can get your dissassociation and the other things you are experiencing under control. I hope you can find something to do where you can put all your talents to good use.