Quote:
Originally Posted by 2daffodils
If you want to answer, what is refusing to settle for mediocre, what is if she becomes equal in this, and what is it exactly that you feel she needs to be for you to have a successful marriage? I'm asking because usually we only get to see one side of the relationship. So if you could put yourself in her shoes, somehow, and ask yourself what it is that is lacking in her.... besides the physical attraction, what changes are you looking for?
Otherwise, I'd agree if you've made your decision and you are not in love with her, then go ahead and leave her. It's best for her as well, other than the other option of her being expected to change who she is.
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IMO, she has always looked at it as I need to do the work to change and she is fine. She is very resistant to resolving her personal issues and the long standing divide we have. I'm equally culpable as far as the failings of the relationship. I know she has sacrificed her happiness to be with me related to her baggage. My issues have resulted in my sacrifice of happiness taking on the caretaker for all things. She has changed some behaviors but only in counseling have I been able to coax out issues she never has brought up.
I'm understanding how our living unconscious has never resulted in better. I'm growing tremendously and she is not growing much at all. She's fearful and I understand that. She would rather have things stay in the same unfulfilling place versus starting over.
She is not a bad person. If I go nuclear , the only thing that will come out of it is vengeance . I wish she could look objectively and reach the same conclusion as I have. We're good parents, but we cannot overcome the changes ( or lack thereof) in the relationship. There is zero chance she could sit our kids down with me and calmly and positively explain to our kids. Mom's tears = dad is mean and I'm sure she planted that idea in them.
From a recent " talk" : (paraphrasing) Part of me hopes we do split up and you become so miserable that you realize what a good thing you had and let it go.