Real friends laugh with you. They make fun of themselves and each other in a good natured way sometimes.

When you feel like your ‘friend’ just took a jab at you, they are not a real friend.

You can jab them right back, but that only makes the level of mean rise and leaves you feeling bad about yourself. You can stay clear of that ‘friend’. You can react by saying, ‘that’s not funny, it’s mean, and I don’t appreciate it’ and shut them down.

The rest of the group may start to see them for what they are and also shut them down, leave them out.

I had a lifelong friend.. long story. When I wouldn’t play her jabbing game and shut her down, she said she ‘refused to walk on eggshells with me’ and slandered me to everyone who knew us both saying that I have BPD, which I told her psychiatrists have told me I don’t several times... (this was a life long friend over 50 y o!). We haven’t spoken in over a year now. We had a couple mutual friends, they don’t speak to her anymore either.

My point of telling you this is that when you do shut down this frenemy, I warn you about the smear campaign. But, saving your self esteem is worth it. And the others in the group who are real friends will follow suit.