Meds are not soul crushing. Mixed mania with psychosis is soul crushing and almost every other horrible thing you can imagine. Meds slowed me down a bit, but I was able to cope. I cannot fathom experiencing the type of episode I had again. I'd do almost anything to avoid it.

Meds can feel bad at first, but they even out. You have to give them time to work and sometimes it takes time to find the right combo. However, many people take meds and lead full lives. A lot of our ability to succeed has to do with the other forms of treatment and lifestyle changes we are willing to make alongside taking medication. It isn't a silver bullet, but often a necessary evil for stability.