Just popping in to let you know how my special set-up for my Overeaters Anonymous meeting went on Monday. I was perfectly safe and everyone enjoyed the special touches, the tablecloths, the carafe of water and nifty mugs and the instrumental piano music by one of the members' son. I actually decided to collect small red maple leaves on the way there to decorate the tabletop rather than the faux flowers which i can use another time. The leaves were more evocative of Thanksgiving (Canada).

But i'm a little worried that it is an "anti-eating" group more than a "pro-health" group. Also not sure if i have any eating dysfunction beyond med-induced behaviors. I don't eat compulsively and i'm not a food addict. I've overeaten the same amount each day for twenty years, since i went on APs. I expect my sub-optimal eating behaviors will disappear once i am off psych meds. Feeling more labile, euphoria which is good then fear which is bad. But what am i to do? Live in a chemical straight-jacket for the few years i have left just because it's risky to have feelings? What kind of life is it to have a chemical lobotomy? NO LIFE AT ALL! I'd rather risk it all and learn to manage my emotions than be numb for the rest of my life. I actually haven't been suicidal at all, at all.

What a waste these past 20 years have been! Stagnant and inert most of the year with brief periods of euphoria not able to string together twelve consecutive months of employability and not even being allowed to try to manage my emotions without chemical aid. But i guess it's *me* who took the meds, *me* who sought out and "won" the label BIPOLAR. It hasn't even ever been useful to have gotten the label as the meds don't help with my mood swings anyways. They just make me fat and exhausted and dependent. Be glad to get rid of them. 67% done my Seroquel taper. Risperdal will be the next to go.

I'm DONE with meds!