Hi kumy. I am sorry for the anticipated loss of your father. That must be rough. Hearing all the anger can make us take it on but there are ways to not react and not blame ourselves for our parent's acting out. It is not easy but there is life after death.

When my dad died 3 years ago, the hardest thing was that it was over, my hope of having the kind of relationship I hoped for was over. But the struggle and expectations were over too. Then I had to reinvent me. Not the child of my father, who am I? And what can I do in life to make other's lives better? Thinking of others took me away from dwelling on my own pain.

I started to self care more by exercise, yoga, mindfulness, volunteering and grief support groups. All this started me on the road to recovery.

The hardest thing about my dad dying was that I realized much more fully that I will die too someday. So the question for me became how can I live so I do not look back on my death bed with bitterness or anger, but instead with knowing I did the best I can.

These articles may be of interest
Coping With What You Can't Control

How Narcissists Exploit Cancer and Every Other Ailment

The Need for Family Therapy After Cancer

Depression in Cancer Patients