Your thinking that, "If only I said something years ago, maybe this would have prevented at least some of these veterans and enlisted from getting harmed." sounds like shame but please don't feel ashamed--everyone is only equipped to handle so much. You did not cause harm. Eventually, if you might be able to handle associating with a support group--without feeling guilt (if you want to). We know we have healed somewhat when we feel less guilt.

I think there is a good chance you will eventually move on somewhat , it is just that you first have to experience all of the fear, anxiety, shame (though you have nothing to be ashamed of ) for a while while you are examining this. I can only imagine how hard it is--when I was processing something less traumatic--I woke up everyday for a while dizzy with panic attacks which went on for hours. I think when I talked about some stuff, I would dream about it at night and that can cause me to wake up with extreme anxiety. I assume you are going through an extreme version of this right now. All that eventually ended for me and I went on to deal with other, more current problems in my life. It is debillitating to process trauma but, it will, hopefully, get less intense and therefore, less debillitating. I pray that you will get there too.