Can you break off relationships that are toxic, unhealthy, or unbalanced in some way?

What I usually have done, is block the person on social media. And, I delete their phone number from my cell phone.

If, after I assert my boundary with the person and they refuse to accept it, and push back or gaslight me, I choose to walk away from that relationship.

I have done that with friends and with family members who I had unhealthy, unbalanced, toxic relationships with.

With my brother: he and his wife left me by the side of the road on a road trip to our uncle's funeral, b/c I would not put away a People magazine that was an awards issue. He claimed the actresses' dresses were 'temping him' (he has a porn addiction) and threatened to leave me by the side of the road, if I didn't put the magazine away (he was driving and I was in the passenger seat and his wife was sitting in the back seat with their baby at the time this happened). I refused to stop reading the magazine so he pulled over, grabbed me out of the passenger seat, and threw me out of his minivan with my duffel bag.

They eventually drove back an hour or so later as I walked along the highway somewhere in Iowa and I was terrified to speak out after that for the rest of the road trip. I borrowed money from a cousin and took a bus home after our uncle's funeral and I never forgot that abuse from my brother. He has been that way his entire life; he makes threats if you don't do as he wants and he follows through on his threats.

Can you minimize your contact with those who are toxic, unhealthy, or unbalanced?

Yes. I will block the person on social media and not contact them. Coworkers who are toxic, I try to avoid interacting with or I report them to a supervisor.

Sometimes, when I report a coworker's toxic behavior to a supervisor, the supervisor has pushed back, telling me not to create drama. When really, I feel like that supervisor just doesn't want to address the interpersonal conflict with myself and a coworker.

Did your relationships begin with a mutual respect of boundaries and then change later on? Why was that? Is there a way to get the relationship back to where it was?

Yes, sometimes past friendships or romantic relationships start off seemingly normal with a mutual respect of boundaries and then change later on to a toxic relationship.

Why?

I think because I choose people who reflect my family of origin members who are emotionally and verbally abusive to me; who gaslight me, who minimalize my feelings or responses to their toxic behavior so that they don't have to feel guilty or take responsibility for hurting my feelings. I choose emotionally unavailable friends and romantic relationships.

I've done DBT and CBT therapy for this (I don't have borderline personality disorder either) with my anxiety disorder. What I've been told is that I have low self esteem, and that I need practice stating my needs to the other person no matter how scary it is.

What has been done to try to get the relationships back on track, is me stating my needs (boundaries). Most of the time, people have chosen to accuse me of being 'too sensitive' and they just walk away. Or, they are so abusive verbally and have played mind games with me, that I walk away after I tell them that I deserve respect. I've been caught in narcissistic men's webs a lot so I try to avoid dating them which is hard.

What specific words, phrases, and responses are you frightened of when you assert your boundaries?

There's quite a few words, phrases, and responses that trigger my anxiety when I try to assert my boundaries with boundary invaders.

What specific words, phrases, tones, and body language are you utilizing when you assert your boundaries? Could they be rephrased differently?

I usually start off with "I like and respect you, and I need to talk to you about what you said/did to me recently, because it matters to me."

Then, I repeat the person's words or actions back to them.
Then, I tell them how their words or actions affected me.
Then, I make a request; to see the situation from my POV and how their words or actions were received.
Finally, I ask them to consider my feelings and decide if this is a relationship they want to stay invested in or walk away from.

I just did that last night. A friend wrote some hurtful things to me on Facebook via messaging and I waited a week to respond. Last night, I followed the pattern I wrote about above. Shortly after my response, I noticed she deleted me from her FB friends list and blocked me. So, at least now I know she is not a good friend. Because, a good friend would not give up when there is conflict. A good friend would try to work things out.

We should not be afraid to ask our friends to respect our feelings. Otherwise, what is the point of friendship?