Hi. I have not been officially diagnosed with anhedonia yet, in fact until yesterday I had never heard of it. I stumbled upon the word reading these boards when i saw a message that read like i had written it. A member commented and said it sounded like anhedonia so I researched it and could put money on the chances i have been dealing with this for years. I am 49 and I would say probably since my 20's I have had this in some level of severity. I am posting here because I really need the input of others and opinions. I am not opposed to seeking talk therapy, but I do like to know what I am seeking therapy for due to my past experiences with therapists. But I do have a very good relationship with my pdoc so if it is something medication can help there is no problem.

First of all, I read the definition of anhedonia and it stated it is the inability to feel pleasure. I take it a step farther, I really dont feel any emotion. By reading posts here I see that is not unusual so i think so far i am in the right place. The whole thing is I dont feel bad. I am not sad. I have been blah in the past for years but that lifted about 6 months ago and i feel ok. I just cant do anything. I feel internally paralyzed. (i do suffer from anxiety and have wondered if it is my anxiety disorder doing this..but i think they are all linked) I can smile and laugh at tv shows but i feel like I fit the criteria for depression because there is no joy. Even when I see my grandbabies, the lights of my life I dont feel like I am emotionally at the level of normal. I dont get mad, I have no passion for anything in life, no motivation all the while I crave change.
I am logical now with emotional things it feels phony. I am a genuine person i dont like to be fake but I cannot get excited when i supposed to or cry when i am supposed to, even if i want to cry.

What I find quite upsetting, and again correct me if this is not a symptom, but I cant feel touch like I used to. From hand holding, massage to lovemaking it is like my body is hollow if that makes sense. This has really become a problem in the last six years since i am unable to orgasm now. This creates a whole new set of problems for me and my husband because my sex drive has died.

Another thing I noticed about the reward center of my brain is now when i smoke pot i dont get high, maybe 2 percent of the time if it is extremely potent weed...If I drink i dont feel drunk, no more getting tipsy. I get the physical affects of alcohol when i have too much beer, my speech will slur, i might tip over slightly but i feel no high and on two occasions i took shrooms---had no trip.

I know that the progression of my disease, duration and number of episodes and treatments I have received all have affected me and my brain, but I do believe I have anhedonia, I could really use your opinion and ideas to cope. thanks kt