> this is how I was before, I'd jump ship after only a few sessions and I never stuck with a therapist very long. Back then, it was all me. I just gave up. Didn't click. Or whatever.

That is significant.

> It's like....go back, get some closure? Or go back, risk getting abused? Or just go to the other one and just try and let it go....but I never just let stuff go!!! That's me.

And that is significant, too.

I also find that I really don't click at all well with the majority of clinicians that I've seen. And I guess I kinda got to thinking that it really must be something about me... Because they seemed to work okay with other people, but I would have trouble with them. And I guess I figured that it must be something bad about me... And that I was pushing them away or something.

It can be really very hard to know. Hard to know whether to trust ones intuition that things don't seem to be clicking so one should keep searching... Hard to know whether to put it down to my %#@&#! and commit to seeing that therapist to the best of my ability and trying to work through the feeling of disconnection.

I guess I think... That the truth lies somewhere in the middle... But where is the middle ground here?

If there are other therapists who you can see then I'd go see them. I'd contact this therapist who you have seen and tell him that you are looking around a little before you decide to commit to the person who you seem to get on with the most. I'd also ask him how come he felt it was important to ask such detailed questions. I'd tell him that you felt really very uncomfortable and wondered about how ethical it was of him to ask you those questions. I'd ask whether he noticed that you were uncomfortable and how come he didn't seem appropriately responsive to your level of discomfort.

And then... I'd see some other therapists and I'd tell them that you are looking to find who you click the best with. Assessments should be a two way enterprise. They assess your symptoms and think about whether they think they can work with you / help you. You assess them and think about whether you think you can work with them and whether you think they can help you. Two way street.

I'd try not to be attacking in the way you talk to him... It might be that he had no idea that you were feeling uncomfortable. Hard... But sometimes when we feel intense discomfort we manage to numb things such that the discomfort doesn't express on our face or with our body language. He might have had no idea...

Some people who engage in compulsive sexual behaviour are proud of their sexual prowess. Other people who engage in compulsive sexual behaviour are sexually seductive more generally and would have loved the opportunity to discuss how good they were in bed.

You seem to feel a lot of shame and guilt around the encounters... That is interesting... I think that gives you quite a good prognosis... But he might not have picked up on your feeling that way...

With respect to the 'risk of being abused' is it that you think you might end up seducing him... Or that he might end up seducing you and you will be powerless to stop him? Are you worried about an emotional seduction or about him physically overpowering you? I understand feeling vulnerable... I also understand feeling uncomfortable firstly seeing a male about this and secondly seeing him when there isn't anyone else in the office. It might be that you feel much more comfortable seeing a female and / or someone with a busyier office. Or it might be that there will be something that you really don't like about everyone you see. Only way to find out is to see a few different people, though. See if you feel that you click better with someone else... Or not...