Feeling depressed when I'm not really used to it is weird. Its hard. I have the symptoms and my pdoc says I have it but like when I am manic, I just can't see it. Everything feels dark, but at the same time, I want to crawl into a small dark place and never come out. I am being lead by an invisible force/being. I am falling away, even as I see myself I can't stop. I wait for bad things to keep happening - its like I'm constantly dodging them. I can't hold still on top of it all. I yearn for music- angels singing, voices ringing. I seek the lithe tones and the fullness of souls yearning for help, yet cherishing every sob, every wave of pain. I fall into the darkened cold, cold skies and stay still, motionless. Quiet. Solitude.