What goes up, must come down.

Partner mailed my nurse concerned, I mailed her concerned, saw her yesterday and she pretty much said I need to change or I am going to just go into a another depression (mine already tend to go on for months) and end up losing my job.

Not too surprising, but it terrifies me because I worked so hard for this and I'm afraid I can't change. I don't like to let things go and I'm a perfectionist, and I'm working on something that has a high impact if I do it right. I am on a temp contract, too, which also sort of hangs on this.... I can set myself up for a permanent appointment if I do this right. There's a lot at stake, I don't want to fail.

I started blocking off my agenda so people stop chain scheduling me (next Thursday I have back to back meetings the entire day), maybe this will help me get my structure back?

It can't stay the way it is, but I find it difficult to change...especially feeling the way I do, I'm already starting my spiral again.

That's just how it goes for me, something good happens and it either just ends badly by itself or I mess up.