Wow, I'm amazed too with how far you have come in therapy. You even get the unconscious living part on her behalf and have tried to help her resolve her personal issues and baggage. Yup, that's kind of a tactic is how I'd put it, Moms tears equals dad is being mean.. and saying what a good thing you had if you let me go....
I'm sorry you are going through this because it sounds like you honestly are doing your best, even admitting your part of the failing relationship. All I can say is I wish you the best with your decisions, and I also hope your wife can deal with things and possibly a change happens. Whatever happens, stay safe and keep up the good work for yourself in therapy. Thanks for explaining.. I'm dealing with some things myself and it puts my part in perspective.