((((((((((((Mandazzle)))))))))))))))),

I would imagine, being a Mother myself, that your Mother even though she is trying to tough it out herself, might really appreciate you being there for her & understanding what she is going through. I know how tough it is.....I lost my Mother to cancer just 3 years ago.....so it's a situation that is very close to me.

You might just tell your mother that you understand why she is feeling this way & you want to be able to share your feelings with her so she will be able to share her feelings with you. Trying to keep feelings hid about cancer & your Mother trying to tough it out isn't the best option. I would have given anything to have someone to talk to & share my feelings with. I was 52 years old & my daughter was 27 & living out of state & she only flew in a couple of times to be there before my Mother died.

Honestly, it is good to be able to talk through what is going on, for both you & your Mother. I would bet that if you do take this time to establish this bond with your Mother, it will be a closeness that will be there the rest of your lives. It sounds like your Mother is trying to protect you from the pain & in a way, you are also trying to protect yourself. Sharing the pain you are both going through doesn't lessen it, but it does make it easier in many ways. Keeping feelings hidden or unspoken only makes the situation worse that dealing with the reality & being able to share your feelings & your Mother being able to share her feelings with someone.

This is just a suggestion since I don't know what your relationship is like with your Mother, but I would just go to her & say you want to know the truth about your Grandpa & that you want to be able to help your Mother because you know that she is hurting & you know it's not something that will just go away or "pass"....& let your Mother know that being there for her would help both you & her........& that you want to share the pain she is going through. I am not sure how old you are, but sadly, cancer & serious illnesses like this are a part of life. When my Father was a senior in highschool, he was taking care of his Mother who was dying of cancer. Doing it alone with no one to share the feelings you go through isn't a good thing.

I would bet that if you do share this with your Mother.....both of you will end up stronger for it & being a support to each other will ease the pain.

I pray that you will have the strength to be that strength for your Mother......I know from experience, that it's really something that is needed. But I can also say....it will probably be one of the hardest things you will ever do in your life....but also something your Mother will never forget.

Debbie