I'm sorry that things are so messed up right now, but you should be given an award for being so nice. As for the books at you're ex's that you do, I'd just tell him that you can't legally "fix" the problem. The family situation is another story, I've learned that no matter how hard it is, that its usually better to just let it go.

I wish I could be of more help, and I'm hoping that things improve.