|
Oct 17, 2019, 09:52 AM
|
 |
|
|
Member Since: Oct 2017
Location: USA
Posts: 10,643
|
|
Quote:
Originally Posted by sarahsweets
Holy Hell @Nkst! There is so much going on here and so many red flags. I do not mean to sound harsh but I am going to be honest.
And what was his reaction to this conversation?
Did he defend you? Nip it in the bud? Tell her he wouldnt tolerate talking about you behind your back or explaining his relationship to her?
Was any of this in the presence of your boyfriend? Did he know about it?
Right there he should have set a clear boundary. He should have told her that the ex was no longer an acceptable topic and then come up with some sort of consequence for crossing that boundary. Like, leaving the visit if she starts talking about the ex, or ending the phone call.
Of course this is hard on you but you are not required to deal with this. What happens if you get engaged or married? You will be miserable and full of resentments.
Your boyfriend is 100% wrong in this situation. He should have refused to speak to the ex and told his mom to drop it. He should have held his ground. The fact that he didnt either means he is controlled by his mother, afraid of her, or values his relationship with her more than his relationship with you.
First of all, why would he tell you this? What is the point? He knows it will hurt you so what was his reasoning? And its obvious that its ok with him to talk behind your back and badmouth you. This is not a sign of a good relationship.
Again, not to be harsh but this is not your job. It is not your job to put up with this and "understand" her mourning the ex. YOU do not have to be a part of this. You do not have to work hard at accepting this and by doing so you have validated her feelings and given her permission to make you feel bad.
She literally served you bull s..t on a silver spoon and flipped the script playing on your compassion. She took no ownership for her behavior and justified it, made excuses and drew you in. And unfortunately you allowed yourself to be drawn in because you have had such strife with her that I feel you were desperate for any sort of peace.
No way should she have had access to your dog for any reason.
This is not a grandchild, its your dog. She does not get visitation. And your boyfriend has basically pooped on your feelings but going along with this and yes, he is unable to stand up to his mom or say no to her.
STOP. This is not your problem and that woman and her son do not need compassion.
Can I ask you something? Why are you with this man? Why have you allowed this to go on?
Bluntly, you need to end this. He does not know how to have a healthy relationship with women, probably as a result of his mom being so emeshed in his life. Unless he agrees there is a problem and gets therapy to untangle, he will never change.
I truly am sorry you are in this situation. But we teach people how to treat us. By that I mean when we allow things that are not ok with us to go on, again and again we are teaching that person or persons that its ok with us that they treat us this way. That it is ok for them to disparage us and manipulate us. There is so much wrong in this relationship and I would advise you to end it. You have already wasted too much time being hurt and confused. Its time to find a man who wants to be with you and who is not attached to his mommy.
|
I completely agree with everything you said.
|