Quote:
Originally Posted by sarahsweets
Hey @SoSorry7735-welcome. There is a lot to address in your post and I'll do my best.
Has she given you examples as to why she doesnt think romance is an issue? I understand that you are planning things but what does she say that makes her think the romance is there?
Resentment is a loaded emotion. It goes beyond the word resentment.
This also causes resentment, not to mention a hit on your self esteem. of course you want your partner to want you and desire you. Frankly, if you have stated your needs in this area and she has ignored them I do not see
No offense but it seems like she is using you. It is her job to do these things yet she seems to expect that you will hold her hand and do them for her. How much does she really want to change? Who supports the household or is it equal?
This says it all.
How is she your best friend? it sounds like you are her best friend but not the other way around.
As much as we humans want to believe in love, it simply isnt enough. You can love her all you want and still be unhappy.
Why are you afraid to leave?
Do not lay that guilt on yourself. Being tolerant is not a divine gift, its supposed to come from a place of selfless love.
Personally I think you need to end it. You could be happy with someone else. This is your first relationship and you are young. You do not need to put up with this or be bogged down with such stress.
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Not exactly. It may be because I do cute things (write notes, sweet texts, date nights) way more often than she does. She wrote me a little note once or twice when I mentioned that I was starting to feel stupid doing all these little gestures and getting very little back.
Yeah, it's a bummer. When we were first together, she had no issues with this, and was initiating sex in a way I didn't enjoy. I told her I didn't like that and could she please do something else and...that's when she just stopped completely. She is trying to get better with this right now but she's only done it once in about a month. However, I'm not sure if I can really judge her on that because I've been so unhappy this month--she likely knew I didn't want sex anyways and wouldn't be receptive.
I don't believe she's using me. We've had conversations about the future and planning, and I think she deals with a lot of anxiety when thinking about the future, to a paralyzing extent. She's very afraid to make moves forward.
She is always there to listen and be supportive, both emotionally and in terms of helping me (being a study buddy, picking me up from the train station, cleaning), and we enjoy a lot of the same things. We have a lot of fun together--we go on vacations pretty often and have a blast exploring cities and going out and doing fun stuff. We have a really compatible sense of humor. She is the kindest and calmest person I've ever met--she hasn't EVER gotten angry at me, and frankly she's never said anything hurtful in nearly two years, which is wayyy better than I can say for myself. I know she loves me so much. I think she might love me more than I love her.
I'm afraid to leave because I'm wondering if I'm just self sabotaging, and that I'll nitpick the next person to death, and the next person, and so on. And my dating pool is smaller than a straight persons is. And the good things about her outweighs the bad things. I think. I'm not sure. But the point is, I'm a perfectionist, and I'm worried that I'll be unhappy no matter who I'm with because I'll hone in on the things they aren't doing 'correctly'. I'm wondering if my expectations are too high. I don't really trust my own judgment about this.
Also, thanks for you in depth answer. It feels so good to just talk about this stuff
Edit: forgot to mention that I live with my mother (finishing up school), and my girlfriend lives with us. She pays my mom some rent. We have talked about what we would do if it were just me and her, and we'd do 50/50 on rent. Honestly though, I'd probably end up paying a bit more eventually because my (preferred) career path is reasonably lucrative.