Quote:
Originally Posted by Open Eyes
SoSorry,
I think what you need to hear is that it's ok to beak off the relationship with her even if you have a love for her.
I love horses and have taught young children how to ride. Before these children learn about riding and get to experience/feel what different horses feel like, they have no idea what kind of horse will be a good fit for them or even that all horses are different. I have hopped on other people's horses and did not like the way the horse felt and how it was to ride at all. Yet, the other person was happy with it and enjoyed riding it. Had I not ridden other horses that I liked, I very well could have gotten on that one horse and thought that is what all horses felt like to ride. I have even seen horses I thought were very pretty too, yet did not feel the same way once I sat on them and rode them. Yet, I still do love horses and think they are amazing.
Everything you shared is showing that this partner is simply NOT the right fit for you when it comes to having a relationship that is more than just that of a friend. From what you have shared this other young woman prefers to have a partner that pretty much does everything FOR her. That is not what YOU want to experience in a relationship. So, you can still try to be friends with her, but, that is all when it comes to her, nothing wrong with that. You will need to be the one to initiate a break up as well, because she is the kind that needs the other person to do that for her as well.
Also, when it comes to horses this saying is true "You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it drink". Well, the same is true for people.
Time to find someone different to have a deeper relationship with.
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I really don't want to break up with her
It makes my stomach hurt just thinking about it. I love her so much.
I like your horse analogies. I used to ride a lot. I do feel like we have some issues, and half of me is saying "its an incompatibility" and the other half is saying "we could probably work on that".
From what I've gathered about her previous relationships, it sounds like NEITHER person did anything romantic or put in serious effort. She told me they didn't even do anything for Valentines day, and that she sometimes forgot their anniversary. THAT would be a problem for me. She didn't get me a card or anything for valentines day last year and I was totally heartbroken
I know it seems silly...but I coordinated reservations and found a really nice restaurant and got her something small and I just...felt so dumb. Like she just went along for the ride. And I got angry the next day and told her off about it. She said she felt really bad and just didn't "think about it" and that she wouldn't ever do that again.
So the point of my tangent is this: does she just not understand how to be romantic? Can she learn? Should I give her some chances?
She shows her love in other ways. She cleans the room and makes efforts to do things I enjoy with me, even if they aren't her favorite (specifically the gym, lol). She helps me with money since I'm a student (clothes, paying for dinner or brunch more often, paying for alcohol).
If you look at my previous reply, I listed a lot of things that DO make us a good match. I know it may be hard to see here because I am complaining and venting, but she is a very good and kind person.