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But the point is, I'm a perfectionist, and I'm worried that I'll be unhappy no matter who I'm with because I'll hone in on the things they aren't doing 'correctly'. I'm wondering if my expectations are too high. I don't really trust my own judgment about this.
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This is an important thing to recognize about yourself. It's true that you will never find another person that is perfect, just doesn't exist.
You seem to be struggling a lot with a back and forth and weighing and balancing. That uses up a lot of energy, you must be emotionally exhausted at times.